Cheap Bastard’s Guide to Working Out in Dallas | Dallas Observer

Do you want slimmer eyeballs? Maybe your elbows are looking a little heavy these days? Do you want to wake up, look in the mirror and love what you see so much that you invite yourself to sex? Do you want rock-hard abs and a new haircut? Do you want to punch some stuff in an environment where punching some stuff is socially acceptable? Of course you do.

And lucky for you, Dallas, finding places to work out is easy. There are lakes to run around, there are bikes to bike, there are trails to be trailed, there are drunks to chase, there are tollways to yell at, there are tollway concepts to yell at and there are beef ribs to bicep curl. You can even burn calories laughing at the people trying to do yoga on paddleboards and downward-dogging face-first into White Rock Lake. But it’s so damn hot right now, it’s a good time to find some respite from the Roger-Rabbit-Judge-Doom-melt-your-face heat and sunniness inside a gym.

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Title Boxing

4140 Lemmon Ave., Suite 275, 214-590-2964

Fear level during class: 4 out of 5

Sweat buckets: 3

Instruction level: 5 out of 5

Air conditioning: YES

Bro count: 3

Number of people in class: 12

Concept: Participants punch and kick 100-pound heavy bags. All classes are taught by trained boxers and kickboxers.

Of all the boutique classes, Title Boxing had the broadest spectrum of body types. At the Uptown location, I expected the class to be much more Uptown-ed than it was. I thought for sure someone would show up in a day scarf and heels. As it turned out, it wasn’t just a bunch of lady meatheads or stay-at-home dads — it was all the people. And someone smelled like tacos. Both of these things made me extremely comfortable in this classroom.

Most of the class time is spent punching a 100-pound heavy bag. There’s even a moment the instructor calls “three minutes of free therapy,” during which you are encouraged to let out all your aggression and frustration on the bag. As I repeatedly kicked the bag in its bag nuts, I realized that punching and kicking things helps me find my center better than any yoga class.

Three cheers for uppercutting the shit out of your problems.